respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
