Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
