I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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