Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
