...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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