He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
