How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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