Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
