One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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