Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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