ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize