I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
