I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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