I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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