He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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