Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
