I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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