dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
