He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
