yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize