Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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