Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
