"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
