I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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