He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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