def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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