Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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