No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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