One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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