i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
