somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
