george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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