i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize