I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
