I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
