It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
