she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
