It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize