the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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