She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
