then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.