Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won