DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk