u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole