He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
