ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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