You're completely useless in the revolution.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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