so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
