I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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