Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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