I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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