so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
