i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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