So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Randomize
