My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize