Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
