i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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