Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
