Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
