So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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