I'm laying in your front yard are you home
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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